essay太冗长怎么办?英伦译制社教你让essay简洁明了!

对于Essay写作,很多留学生认为应该多使用那些复杂精美的句子去升华论文,这样才是体现自己写作水平的做法。其实这种想法非常片面,因为在老师眼中,你的那些复杂的句子很多都有问题。而简洁就可以很好地解决这个问题,下面就给大家详细讲解一下。

01

从简:复合句从句简化

从简是指复合句从句简化(clause reduction)。复合句其间有一些重复、空洞的元素。剔除他们,节省空间,精简句子就是复合句从句简化。我知道说起语法很无趣,但是,这种语法现象在地道的英文写作中频率颇高。我认为熟练运用这个工具是英文写作登堂入室的标志之一。以下是《时代周刊》一篇封面文章的节选。作者Michael Schuman是一名“老笔杆子”,其文笔相对更注重表现力。

The view in most of the world is that China is indestructible.

Shrugging off the crises multiplying elsewhere, China seems to surge from strength to strength, its spectacular growth marching on no matter what headwinds may come.

It appears inevitable that China will overtake a U.S. mired in debt and division to become the world’s indispensable economy.

Those businessmen and policymakers looking to the future believe China’s “state capitalism” may be a superior form of economic organization in dealing with the challenges of the modern global economy.前面的句子如果不用从简的手法会写成: After China shrugged off the crises that multiply elsewhere, it seems to surge from strength to strength, and its spectacular growth marches on no matter what headwinds may come.

上边的句子基本反映了从句精简的规则:如果从属从句的主语和主要从句中主语重复,在从属从句中可以省略主语;

1)如果从句的动词是Be动词,视Be动词是否有实际含义直接去掉或者变成Being,其他不变

2)如果从句中有could, would, must等助动词,将助动词变成不定式to,其他不变;

3)如果从句中没有助动词,也没有be动词则将动词变成Ving,其他不变。

02

标点:活用分号,冒号,破折号和连字符

标点指的是活用分号(semi-colon),冒号(colon),破折号(em-dash)和连字符(hyphen)。通篇几乎只用逗号和句号也是一种“中国味”。我认为这是由于我们的非专业英语教育不太重视英文这四种标点的使用,比如说高考中就很少考查这些知识点。相反,母语作者在文章中会更多地使用到这四种标点。

a.分号:隐形胶水

Richard C. Wydick在他的法律英文写作经典Plain English for Lawyers中谈到了分号,他描述道:“一些律师对于分号的态度就像是对野蘑菇:有些非常美味,但是有些却是致命的;因为没法分辨两者的区别,那就干脆统统避开。”Wydick自己的观点是分号没有那么危险,并且十分有用。其一,分号可以用来连接两个关系紧密的分句,这种做法的最大好处是可以增添写作的多样性,并且避免使用太多and之类连接词所带来的断断续续感(choppy sentences),同时也精简了用字。这就是为什么我给分号起了个隐形胶水的绰号。

书中的一个例子是:The defense counsel objected to the questions; she said that it called for information projected by the attorney-client privilege.

其二,放在已经被连接词(therefore, however, furthermore, thus, indeed, in fact, as a result or for example)连接的两个从句中间,从而加强句子的节奏感。

比如:Her testimony could have been admitted under several exceptions to the hearsay rule; for example, either the excited utterance exception or the contemporaneous statements exception would apply.

b.冒号:洗耳恭听

冒号表明其后引用的内容是前边内容的列举、总结或阐述。每当放一个冒号,就像提醒读者:我要开始解释了。冒号用作列举则可省去include/including,并在视觉上创造一个更醒目的标志。而冒号更有价值的用法是引导对前文的总结(summary)、阐述(elaboration)或者是例证(illustration)。以下的例子也来源于“Plain English for Lawyers”:

The plaintiff failed to prove two key elements: negligence and proximate cause.(列举)

The damages were staggering: $1,000,000 in medical bills and $74,000 in lost wages. (阐释)

Only one thing stands between us and settlement:money. (阐述)

c. 破折号:无声的强调

我觉得破折号(em-dash)在“中国味”写作中是最被低估的标点,破折号可以加在被引导内容之前,用来表示停顿和解释。比如“Plain English for Lawyers”里列举的例子。

We need not reach the constitutional issue—that can await another day and another set of facts.

我觉得如果说冒号在对读者平静地说“我要开始解释了”,那么破折号则是带着感情地说“我要说点重要的”。Ben Yagoda在《纽约时报》的“Mad Dash”一文中深入地讨论了破折号的用法:他认为破折号带来的停顿时长约等于四分之三个句号,这比括号稍长,而比逗号长得多,这样就可以更好地吸引读者的注意。他列举了《了不起的盖茨比》中的一段,来说明破折号和冒号的区别。

Thirty: the promise of a decade of loneliness, a thinning list of single men to know, a thinning briefcase of enthusiasm, thinning hair.试比较原文

Thirty—the promise of a decade of loneliness, a thinning list of single men to know, a thinning briefcase of enthusiasm, thinning hair. 原文

03

副词巧:状态副词以取代副词短语

“副词巧”指的是多多利用状态副词以取代状态副词短语。换句话说就是将一个词组的意思浓缩到一个副词上。

试比较陈老师提供的几个句组:

As an enthusiastic reader, Peter read many books without paying attention to their differences in quality or subject matter.

As an enthusiastic reader, Peter read many books indiscriminately(不作选择地)

Good staff performed their tasks with great care and strong sense of responsibility. Good staff performed their tasks conscientiously.(诚心诚意地)

The pharmacist, through an oversight, made a mistake in the prescription.

The pharmacist inadvertently made a mistake in the prescription.(不经心地)

从上面几组句子看,很明显,和动词搭配起来,状态副词比状态副词短语简洁有力,活泼可爱。值得多多学习。以下是一些比较容易忘记在写作里使用的状态副词。

04

单一的工具,只能解决单一的问题

就像在一个只有锤子的人眼里,所有问题都是钉子。如果你的英文写作技法有限,表达方式往往也会重复单调,我认为这是“中国味”英文单调无趣的一个重要原因。以上的三宝,从简、标点、副词巧,希望能为你的写作工具箱加上几种工具,把你的作品雕琢的更加细致、凝练。但另一方面,这三宝只是写作的工具,而不是写作的原则,这也是为什么我们会看到作者视情况采取不同的选择。希望我们驾驭英文能够像驾驭跑车,收放自如,风驰电掣,享受到Sheer Writing Pleasure。

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